That moment of helplessness and confusion when you know you hate everything about someone but you still choose to love them unconditionally. You know you can’t be with them because of all the facts and damage that has been caused but those little things that can’t stop you from thinking about them.
Doubt, hesitation and all those upsetting chaos you are going through inside your head. It’s like a paradox. You hate everything about them yet you love every bit of them. Muddled and fed up of all this confusion yet loving this indecisive situation. You don’t understand which way to pick and which way to go because of those two components hatred and love fighting against each other.
Standing in the middle of the road and you don’t know whether to pick the rough but short way or beautiful but long way. You feel lonely and hopeless. Don’t know how to make a move. You hate absolutely everything and watching them, hurts; hurts a lot. Reminiscing all those fights and storms you’ve gone through just because of them. You are lost. But still how can you forget those sweet special conversations that actually made your entire day bright and fun-filled. How can you forget those advices and mistakes you’ve made and they were there to tell you it’s alright yet they turned their back & so did you. When they said goodbye you said too.
Ending everything there. Leaving all your memories and possessions in the past. Yet, you want to start a relationship again. You are afraid of being hurt again, you are avoiding being hurt again. Losing everything again. Still, you are fooling yourself that nothing ever happened and that ignoring all the negativity and absorbing all the pain, you can survive. You are waiting for something. That indecisive vibe is not leaving you. You are standing in the way between; confused to move on and choose a path to tread on for the rest of your life.
Regrets; regretting everything that why did you let them be a part of your life because now you can’t change the past. Past stays in the past. Hatred and ego making you ignore every positive image. You let it grow within you. Love and peace want to be seen too but you’re afraid to feel the happiness again or as you say you’re afraid to feel being lost again. Questioning won’t take you anywhere yet you won’t stop questioning yourself that’s why can’t you choose “Either to live life hating or loving them” or “Trying to forget and move one”.
It’s a nuisance having to suffer this exquisite pain.