blog, Fiction

Betrayal

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“Don’t tell me what they said about me, tell me why they were so comfortable to say that around you.”
I blinked back a tear and pondered for hours & hours either to give it all up and pull the trigger or to fake a laugh and move on.
I faced, faced a lot. Experienced, experienced a lot and.. Felt, felt a lot.
I was always the strong courageous one, there was always that furious tiger inside of me, finding a way to get out and show the world the real me.

Yet, I somehow became the quiet and weak victim of it all. It all backfired spontaneously.
I act different around certain people. It is not because I am fake it’s because I have a different comfort zone around certain people.
I tried and failed after all how could I trick myself into not thinking about the time when I screamed in pain and you all passed by as if you all heard nothing.
It’s funny, when I look back into my past and find myself trembling with fear with my face buried in my hands and my tears escaping my eyes. Saw what I never wanted to and experienced what I never had to.

I am not scared of you going out and about telling people how I made you feel, I am scared for the moment when they will come to know about what you did to me.
Shattering my heart into pieces and scattering them as if it was some stuff that could only be mentioned as disgust, wasn’t that enough? Apparently, it wasn’t. For you.
Came into my life as a friend and now after humiliating me publicly, you all abandoned my weeping soul with such ease. Faking a laugh as I forced my uncomfortable self to be comfortable with you, wailing endlessly in a silent room; even the walls mourned with me.

I was a prisoner then. My once peaceful soul was trapped in my alive yet dead body. My brainwashed thoughts and my pointless existence. It was a pure example of injustice and torture.
And indubitably it is, it was and it’ll always be “Unforgettable and Unforgivable.”

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life, Point to Ponder

Paragon of integrity

giphy

“So, what do you want to be when you grow up, sister?”
I startled a bit, got my abstractions in place and pretended to concentrate. Thought about that sudden question mark that appeared in my younger sister’s mind and decided to steal some time.
“I am sorry Lucy, I was a bit ignorant. Repeat your question please.”
That naive child approved my apology and determinedly continued.
After receiving the same question, in the same intonation. I was utterly confused and felt a bit uneasy responding to that question.
I could have said something out of the norms e.g.: a writer, doctor, a better human being etc; but a continuous nebulous concept was running across my mind and I was battling my inner-voice that, what would be the perfect answer that this innocent child would never forget and hold tight to her soul or maybe have an impact on her life.
I immediately grabbed my cell phone and stormed out of the room, reminding her about her homework. As a kid, I would absolutely animadvert such a case.
I entered my room, stood still in-front of the mirror looking dead straight into my own eyes or maybe I should say I was threatening myself with my tired eyes. Soon after this sudden action of mine, I curiously started interviewing myself.
“Hey, do you want to live under a noble profession and be discovered as it’s occupation?It is your choice. Decide!” I spoke to myself bluntly.
“No..” I growled in a very low and raspy voice as the rubber band which held up my pony tail broke and fell to the soft carpet, my feet were resting on. I fluffed up my hair wildly and swiftly ran my fingers across my untangled hair.
“Do you want to be recognized for your own actions, inventions and deeds?”
“Yes…” a deep approving voice crossed my throat and I slowly started to nod my head as if I was a psychopath. I glared at my reflection and rose up my chin a bit. A layer of confidence and enthusiasm was then running in my veins.
“Think hard! Think hard this time! It’s your last chance. Idolize yourself in your mind and picture yourself as what you think would represent you the best.”
My eyes were then hidden behind my eye lids, scrunched. My fingers were unintentionally approaching for my face, holding and squishing my swollen red cheeks and my thick black hairs were all over my face, protecting me from all the evil energy preventing me to bunch up all the positivity and trap it into my soul.
After a minute or two.
I politely touched my reflection separated by the mirror glass. There was a queer hint of friendliness in my eyes and an ocean of love in my heart. I looked down at my feet and then spontaneously looked back at my beautiful self and   with a generous yet childish smile on my face along with my expressive eyes which sank in love and peace I experienced; I disclosed.
“I want to be a paragon of integrity”
“Now, you may succeed.” a very soft and tranquilizing voice bounded me, it was my reflection revealing the compelling evidence of faith and belief.